Mandy's Blog 1

This paper is a lot harder than I had anticipated. I tried to make the paper easy to understand and read without getting way too personal. (in super great detail, towards the end of my paper), but detailed enough so that the reader had a vivid picture of what was / is taking place.

The easy part was when I am explaining my own self and Ben - experience. I am living it, and so it's easy to tell my own story to others. Do they grasp what I am saying? I hope so.

I wrote this paper the best that I could, with me being as comfortable with it as possible, while trying to understand and follow all of the guidelines. Writing papers is not an easy thing for me to do by far. So, this has been an ultimate challenge for me this summer. Those who have read it so far, liked it and I feel that it's a good paper.

I had trouble w/my research only because it seemed that a lot of what is offered is repeated by other sources. It seems that the statistics are more than similar, and they don't really give more information from the next, of what I had been searching for.

Dateline is a good example, and fit well into my paper. I watch that show frequently, and it has really good advice. Good advice towards the negatives of internet useage/dating though vs. all positive aspects of it. I think that it's a good source for "PARENTS" to watch, to open their eyes of what could happen to their children, and from that they could use it to teach and educate their kids of the dangers of predators.

All in all, I liked this topic that i had chosen, due to the fact that I can personally relate to what was researched, and I learned a few things from it.
1. More people that I talked to /all interviewed have positive outlooks/views, yet are aware of the negative(s)
2. Tips - good / bad were offered throughout the webpages searched, and I took a few into consideration. ie: what to do / what not to do (then again, most of us would just do what we are going to do in the first place, regardless of what has to be offered.

My main focus was to inform my reader(s) that, if you're aware, cautious and responsible then online dating isn't a bad thing.
thesis: When used with caution and responsibility, online dating can be benefitial. If a person is of adequate age and is aware of possible dangers then tehre is no reason to disregard online dating as another form of dating communication.

On(LOVE)Line

Online dating can be a very controversial subject; when asked, most people would say, “You should really be more cautious. People aren’t always who they may appear to be. They are probably making everything they tell you up so that they seem oh so perfect. They’re probably the complete opposite of what you think that they are. Children and even adults are abducted each and every single day, and you’re most likely the next in line. What you are doing is a very dangerous act, and the outcome of what seems innocent could turn out deadly”.
A lot of people that I have known and have met don’t seem to have a positive outlook on the idea of an online relationship. From what I know and have gathered a lot of that negativity comes from being uneducated of the matter, and what the media has to say. The information that the media provides is, in fact, good advice. However, most of this advice is focused on young adolescence who are victims of older predators. On the other hand, I am grown, mature, and aware of the circumstances of online predators. I take my time to pay attention to what information that the person that I am interested in tells me. If I feel for any reason un at ease, then I end the conversation without any hesitation. The people who look down upon online dating more than others are those who are uneducated on the subject; meaning, those who have never been exposed nor have experienced the world of online dating. They’re the one’s who will warn you that everything about it is horrible and scary due to them too scared of taking the risk themselves.
In my research, I have found a variety of negative outlooks like: Dateline or people’s opinions in general. Recently, I had come across a Dateline episode titled, “To Catch a Predator”. In this particular episode, a man claiming to be a young girl used himself as a decoy to catch online predators. He found, or let himself be found by older men looking specifically for a young girl. After their brief and suspicious online conversation, a meeting would be arranged. When these men came to meet their young “date”, they would be ambushed by the Dateline TV host and crew. When questioned about their actions, they had various answers, but the conclusion was the same, they came for a “good time”. In conclusion, the episode was meant to show how dangerous online dating can be for young girls. However, all of us are not young girls, and, yes, a young girl can be in danger when talking to people online. A parents responsibility is to make sure their children are safe from predators and to educate their children about the dangers of online dating. Even though a parent cannot watch their children at all hours, this is a serious issue that does need to be addressed. If for some reason you would happen to come across someone who makes you feel uncomfortable talking to online, such as threatened, you can contact technical support for security measures. In the beginning of any type of internet site, such as a chat room or dating website, you have to agree to the terms of agreement. If that agreement is broken, your profile will be eliminated from use.
Children are at risk in many aspects of life, and need to be aware of what they are getting themselves into. For a responsible adult, this may not be an issue; although adults may face some risks when talking online, it is not nearly as risky as it would be for a young adult. The media may portray online dating as a dangerous act in which predators are everywhere, but these cases are based on negative stories that affected the adolescent population. Rarely ever has a story been told about a grown individual that was victimized by an online predator. Online predators know what to look for when choosing their victims, and young, possibly neglected girls who need someone to talk to, is a prime target. As long as there is the internet there will be people using it for negative
endeavors. As a society, it is good to know these things, but parents should know what is going on in their child’s life, and if their son or daughter is speaking with a predator and planning a meeting, there is a problem with the relationship between child and their parent. Online dating should not be categorized as a negative thing based on these cases and accusations.
I don’t see much of a difference between an online relationship and a relationship that forms from those who place personal ads in the local Sunday newspaper. A relationship that occurs through the web is just as safe and or dangerous as one of a blind date, newspaper ad or someone you meet in person to decide to date. When used with caution and responsibility, online dating can be beneficial. If a person is of adequate age and is aware of possible dangers then there is no reason to disregard online dating as another form of dating communication. Online dating provides a vast variety of people from all walks of life, and can help an individual find what they are looking for or a way to communicate and make friends. In my personal experiences, I have found many friends and an occasional “fling” online. There are so many more online dating networks than there used to be. A few of many are those that you can either pay for, which can get pretty expensive, or those that are free of charge. Such examples of free online services would be, www.myspace.com or www.facebook.com. They aren’t promoted as dating websites, but many people have networked and a relationship has occurred from it. On these websites, I have found old classmates; new friends and past relationships have accumulated. Websites that charge you a fee to create a profile for other singles to view are www.ge-dating.com (Great Expectations). One person stated “It’s important that people chose their own dates.” (Great Expectations) and www.match.com.
Have you ever wondered if you were just another one added to the list of statistics? Well, I have. According to a survey by the Sunday Times “email relationships can be far more intimate than normal dating”. Also, out of men and women, the women are more likely to finding a potential online lover. Out of 100, 72% of those women, 52% of men admitted to finding love online. In this particular study, which I found interesting, 33% led to an actual date, out of all of the online relationships surveyed.
I haven’t found anyone relatively to my age that uses online hosted websites in which you pay for to meet their matches. In my personal experienced that I have encountered, I have come to the realization that online dating isn’t as bad as some would like to believe. With my interviews that I have conducted, and in my own personal experiences, online dating is as healthy as any other form of relationship. I wanted to find out what other people’s experiences of online dating was, and figured why not, by digging in deeper by getting more personal. In the three interviews conducted, each has been involved in an online dating experience. All of which are for the idea of dating someone online. I first spoke with Laura Moffit.using the same questions that I had asked all of my subjects. When talking with her, the most interesting information that she had provided from her own personal experience was, “I am for the initial idea of online dating. I have dated a few people that I had met from the internet. Just be sure to careful, and if you need someone such as a friend to escort you, then to do so. From my history of online dating, I am always aware and cautious. I get to know them more by talking to them on the phone. I tell my parents and friends where I will be going”. When I had asked Laura why do you think that online dating is looked down upon? Laura replied, “There are people you cannot trust and they can take advantage of you. Not all people do good things”.
I really wanted to talk with a man to gather his perspective on what his views and ideas of online dating was considered. Talking with Charles, I sensed a man who wanted what anyone else wants, and that’s the need to be wanted. “I have been in a few different relationships that were formed online, and are for the idea. The advice to give from myself to any other would be to talk with someone a lot before meeting them. If they are misleading you, then they will be inconsistent in the information that they give to you. If I were to break up with my current partner, I will probably go to the internet to meet people. (I wanted to know why he thought the reasons why some portray a negative view of online dating). In Charles defense, he mentions “because of the lack of face-to-face contact. It seems to me that the more technology we get, the more socially isolated we get. That’s why I like to meet people as soon as I feel that they are trustworthy or not bullshitting me”.
“Because I have dated numerous guys online I feel pretty much aware and confident in what I am looking for in another person”, Stefanie casually says. “I know that this may sound silly, but do a freaking back round check on the person. You never know what kind of people you may come across and meet. Be weary of online dating services like E-harmony and others similar. They do not always pan out and you sometimes end up wasting your money. If you are too shy, busy, or some other reason that does not allow you to physically go out into the viscous dating world, then go for it! Just be sure that you know what you are getting yourself into. It could be a good or a bad experience, just be prepared. When you fill out the personality section on the dating service, be sure to be completely honest. You don’t want to waste any of your time. People probably look down on dating someone online because it is something new, and people are always weary about new things. Once again, people lie. They say they are someone else, and they end up being an axe murderer or something like that.
To lessen the confusion of online dating etiquette, following these guidelines can help make things go more smoothly for yourself. According to www.abcnews.go.com, they mentioned some tips of dos and don’ts of hooking up online. They mention what you do before your date, during your first date, and list a few things of what if things don’t work out and what you could do to get out of the date or relationship. Some of the things listed are as follows; “Do provide details about yourself, but don’t go overboard in revealing personal information about yourself”. “Do show off a special talent, but don’t try something that you might not be able to pull off”. This website also talks about some of the things that you might want to assemble before your initial first date, such as, exchanging photographs so that you know what the person that you are going to meet looks like. Lastly, they talk about breaking up with someone who you have met online. One thing that is stated is, “Don’t break up over e-mail, even if you met that way. Do break up in person”.
Never have I ever fallen in love before and never would I have imagined finding the one I fell in love with online. It happened and this is how my story goes. Ben and I met through the website www.myspace.com which offers you to create your very own personal web profile for others to see. You can offer as much or as little information about yourself that you want others to view. I found Ben by browsing users under that option given by no specific location. I was not looking to find someone to fall in love with. I was only browsing to search for new friends. I thought that Ben was very handsome, from first sight from the pictures that I seen. I viewed his profile and noticed how much we had in common from what had appeared. We were the same age, and had most of the same interests. Ben and I only started out as friends. I sent him a friend’s request and he sent me an email that read “You are really pretty and you seem like a very nice girl. Are you actually going to talk to e or do you just want another number to add to your list of friends?” In response I told him that I was a real person and that I would talk to him on a normal basis. An email from here and there had turned into a phone call here and there. From random phone calls, I had gathered from getting to know him that I had more of an interest in him than more than a friend basis. We talked about almost everything that could ever be discussed. We learned so much about each other’s personalities just by communicating via telephone and e-mail. By the things that he had told me, by the tone in his voice when what he said was spoken, I could tell that Ben was genuine and sincere. I didn’t doubt that he was anything remotely bad, or scary to fear.
I enjoyed his phone calls and would get excited to se his name on my caller id when my phone would ring. From one phone call to the next, his southern Texas accent tended to grow on me.
As conversations progressed from minutes into hours, we have both become connected to one another in so many more ways than one. Ben and I had talked about one day meeting each other in person. I remember the phone conversation where he had mentioned of driving to St. Louis, Mo for us to meet. I blew the subject off because I did not want to get my hopes up in case the meeting wouldn’t have actually happened. I was holding my guard, and keeping my emotions and feelings safe. I quickly changed the subject to something less important. I look back on that now, and have realized that by me changing subjects was actually due to me being shy and nervous. Later on that week, Ben had mentioned coming down again and asked me if I had Sunday off of work for him and I to meet and hangout. I caved in and told him that I wasn’t working that Sunday. Ben had told me that he had the day off as well, and that he was planning on driving down for us to meet, and for me to reserve a hotel room for us to stay at during his visit. My heart began to race and my palms became sweaty. That weekend, Ben came down on a late Friday evening, early Saturday morning.
I had planned ahead, and told my friend’s exactly what I was doing, where I was going. I had told four of my friends my plans and had them all on call in case of an emergency. As time came close to Ben’s arrival, I began to get more nervous as the minutes ticked by. My bags were packed, the hotel was reserved and I was on my way driving to meet Ben in person. When I pulled up to where Ben was parked, my stomach had butterflies, my palms sweating, my heart beating heavily, an instant smile appeared as my eyes met with his. I fell instantly in love with Ben from first sight. The weekend went more than wonderful. I showed Ben all over St. Louis by going out to dinner, sight seeing in Forrest Park, and going into the arch. Ben didn’t meet any of my family or friend’s during his first visit. Saying goodbye to Ben was not as easy as I thought that it would be. Ben and I grew together by getting to know one another, having fun and hanging out that weekend on a more personal level. Our daily phone calls to one another began as once a day to a few times a day which led to an expensive phone bill. After he had been back at home for a few days, we began to realize that we really liked each other and missed one another. We began to talk about Ben moving here to St. Louis to be with me, with each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. We have talked about him transferring colleges, and him finding a job and an apartment for him and I to be together, more than on the phone and on the internet.
Ben then started to talk about a second trip to come and see me. This time, I, without hesitation agreed to an official meet. We both knew now, what we were expecting from one another. This time it would feel like the right thing to do. This time I wanted Ben to meet my friends and my family. I wanted to show him off, to show my friends and family that this is the guy that I want to be with. Ben arrived on a Friday afternoon. He left on a Monday afternoon, so this time we can spend more time together. We were busy doing activities, such as Six Flags, a concert, dinner and movie. My family met Ben and fell in love with him as well. My father invited him into our family, whenever it is that Ben is ready. My friends met Ben as well, and we all had a great time. They all really enjoyed his company, as well as him enjoying himself with them.
Ben went back home, and has been there since only a week ago. Since then, we have become even closer. I suppose what they say is true when I quote “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. I fell in love with a total stranger that I had met on the internet that now is not only my boyfriend, but someone who I also consider my best friend. We are planning another meet in the near future. What’s going on right now is that we are still on a daily phone conversation basis, frequent e-mails and plans to one day soon be together, in an in person relationship. We are determined to make the best of what we have now, and what we plan for our future together. This experience has brought us close and a loving relationship has occurred from it.
I want to thank www.myspace.com for the opportunity that we have been given to meet one another. Without it, I would have never met Ben.
There has been a lot of controversy about online dating. Some people have negative views, and may warn others to stay away from online dating. Some cases may involve online predators or bad romantic outcomes. Each individual has his or her own opinion on the subject, as do I. Dating is a complicated and complex subject, in which there will be a down side to the up side. Online dating is the same. With all the bad media hype, it is only natural for people to assume negative things about the subject. Once someone has experienced the online dating world, he or she can only really know what it is like. From my interviews with fellow online daters and from my personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that it is not all that bad if the individual is responsible with his or her actions. When used with caution and responsibility, online dating can be beneficial. If a person is of adequate age and is aware of possible dangers then there is no reason to disregard online dating as another form of dating communication.
Every person is responsible for their own choices, and if they choose to date online, that is their right to do so and they must deal with whatever consequences come their way. An individual needs to use his or her best judgment and follow their intuition.
It won’t lead you astray. The one’s who are for online dating and relationships would agree with me when I say that everything happens for a reason. You have to start out with those baby steps of getting to know one another. Just like any other relationship, it can be a bit nerve wrecking in aspects of being shy and nervous at the beginning and very rewarding in the end. Positive things may come out of the experience, if willing to take a chance.

Mandy's Blog 1

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Ex: 1.7

Ex. 4.3

online dating research Websites/Interview(s)

struggles of research

research...

Monday, July 23, 2007

Research Paper On(Love)Line

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Excercise 5.3

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